It is a game that some people aren’t sure even exists.
Not even the thorough, and unrivalled, Heart of Midlothian anthology London Hearts has a record of it – at first glance, anyway.
The only trace that could be found from a Google search is on a 2017 thread on Jambos Kickback titled Random football facts you’d like to share. Even then people are questioning their memory.
Myles Hogarth only played one competitive match for Heart of Midlothian – a 1-1 draw away to Motherwell in May 1996. But he certainly recalls his 15 minutes of fame in an outfield jersey a few months later: a substitute appearance that saw the goalkeeper net twice in a 2-0 victory.
When asked by Hearts Standard if this actually happened, the 49-year-old – now a goalkeeping coach with Stenhousemuir – pauses and then has a little laugh to himself while replying in the affirmative.
Glebe Park and its famous hedge was the backdrop for this unlikely tale – a pre-season friendly on a Friday evening in 1996. The starting line-up was: Craig Nelson, Stephen Frail, David Murie, Anthony Barr, Grant Murray, Scott Severin, Andrew Storrar, John Robertson, Alan Lawrence and Stuart Callaghan. Hogarth shared the bench with Derek Holmes, Mark Bradley and Kenneth Rafferty.
Falkirk-born-and-bred, the shot-stopper came through the ranks at Tynecastle Park as a youngster, initially travelling through on Tuesday nights to train at Saughton Park. From his early teens he was signed to the club on “old-school” schoolboy forms while progressing through youth levels.
'Wannabe' striker
Hogarth didn’t make much of an impression on the Hearts first team before leaving in 1999 for his boyhood Falkirk, but he showed up the rest of the players on that night in 1996.
It was July 25 and the Spice Girls were enjoying a seven-week stint at No 1 with their debut single Wannabe.
It wasn’t a hasty decision to give Hogarth a try, it took for all the outfield substitutes to be used and a subsequent injury in the second half.
With only Hogarth in reserve, the back-up keeper was stripped and sent on up front with legendary goalscorer John Robertson.
What did he think about that?
Hogarth felt “absolutely ridiculous”.
He adds: "It was quite early on in pre-season, it was ‘The Jet’, Jim Jefferies. He brought on players during the course of the game just to get people minutes.
"There were 15 minutes to go when we made the last [outfield] sub. I was the only person on the bench, I was the sub goalie and someone got injured.
"Within a couple of minutes... I'm obviously a bigger guy. I went on with the outfield strip on, looking absolutely ridiculous.”
A fair few goalkeepers have made a name for themselves at the opposite end of the pitch. Peter Schmeichel reached double figures in goals through a mixture of penalties, acrobatics and headers. Paraguayan legend Jose Luis Chilavert scored even more by declaring himself the designated free-kick and penalty-taker.
Some have their fortuitous moments, such as when Matt Oxley’s punt for Hibs bounced all the way into the Livingston net. Then there are failed experiments, like when Stuart Pearce, for some reason, sent on David James as an auxiliary striker in an English Premier League game for Manchester City.
Hogarth’s experience falls somewhere in the middle of those extremes.
"I was running about and I think a cross came in and I got a header for the first goal, nipping in front of the goalie,” he recalls.
"Within another five minutes I'd scored a second goal."
Despite his heroics, Hogarth says it didn’t exactly make him popular with his team-mates: “It was strange for me but it was worse for the players who came into the dressing room.
“Jim wasn't overly happy that, in his words, 'A big, stupid, daft goalie got to come on to rescue us and make sure we win the game'.”
Hogarth continues: "I don't know if I was particularly popular, I thought I would be after scoring two goals!
"It gave everybody else a kick up the arse, but it was quite funny."
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Crossed wires
Hearts Standard contacted Jefferies but, in keeping with the mystery surrounding this game, he has no memory of it.
“Myles Hogarth was a goalie?!” is his initial response. Exactly my point.
Though the 1998 Scottish Cup-winning boss insists that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. He wonders if it was a Hearts XI that day and that one of his assistants took charge.
After contacting London Hearts, it turns out the match is listed on their site, as are Hogarth’s two goals. The game was indeed officially played under a Hearts XI and therefore has its own section on the website.
Two days later the Hearts first team took on Berwick Rangers in a friendly at Shielfield. This was a regular occurrence back then – sometimes the games would take place on back-to-back days or even concurrently.
As he has done with the London Hearts website in general, manager of the Heart of Midlothian Museum, Davy Allan, goes above and beyond and, through volunteer John Mable, he was able to unearth a short match report from a subsequent programme.
It turns out that it was a little more than 15 minutes from the end of the match when, after using all the other subs, Hearts’ Barr picked up an injury. With 69 minutes on the clock, Hogarth pulled on an outfield jersey bearing the No.15.
He could not have picked a better strike partner that day than Hearts’ record goalscorer. And, much like he did on that balmy night in Brechin, Robertson provides an assist.
“It was Paul Hegarty who was in charge,” he tells Hearts Standard. Mystery solved. Memory is a curious thing.
Robertson adds: "I was coming back from a hernia operation. It was one of those ones where I think I'd been on the bench on the Saturday and had come on and it was a chance to get some minutes in the legs.
“So we went up there and it was quite a young team. Paul Hegarty had very high standards in terms of fitness and quality and he demanded a lot from you as a senior player, and as a young player.
"He was very disciplined in that respect and you had to give everything.
"There were a couple of injuries and Myles had to come on and play up front with myself, just to see the game out. It was still 0-0 at the time and we hadn't played that great.
"We were a bit scrappy, the grass was a bit long, it was pre-season, it was very warm.
"I think for one of them, I cut it back for Myles to score from six yards, he slid in. His second one was a really, really good finish."
Setting Hearts standards
According to the match report, Hogarth missed another chance between his two goals. Which meant that on another day the goalkeeper could have walked away with the match ball as well.
And even if he misremembered who took charge of the team that day, the tone of the post-match message is corroborated by Robertson: "So we're thinking 'Oh that's great, we won the match'
“Me and the senior players are sitting thinking 'Well, it was a young side, we've won 2-0, not a bad result in the end'. And we got fitness out of it.
"Unfortunately, it slipped below the standards that Heggy had set for us, he was not happy. Everybody got it, even the young lads. Not in a bad way, he wasn't ranting and raving.
“He was talking about standards – the standard of passing wasn't good enough, the sharpness wasn't good enough. That's what pre-season games were for, but you still had to hold yourself to account in terms of what you put into the game.
"I'm thinking, we still won 2-0 with a very young side, against Brechin City's first team, and they were quite an experienced lower-league team at the time.”
Robertson recalls challenging the post-match debrief. "It was at the stage where I said something... and the good thing with Heggy is he'd let you talk, whether he agreed with me or didn't agree with me.
"And Heggy said 'Na, I'm not having that, it's embarrassing that we had to depend on our sub goalie to come on and score two goals!'
"I was thinking, 'Do I say, it's not actually embarrassing, we've managed to win the game with a goalkeeper up front!'. I was looking at it positively.”
But Hegarty stood stubborn. Everyone other than Hogarth and the other goalkeeper that night, Nelson, who had kept a clean sheet, were sent back out onto the park for some extra running.
"He decided he was right,” says Robertson. "We got quite a few runs up and down Glebe Park – to get what Paul felt we needed to get out of the night. And to let us know in no uncertain terms that it's not what was expected of a Hearts team.
"It was a warning to everybody that, regardless of a young side or not, to say that the standards have to be higher. It stands you in good stead for what you should do and it's something that I've used with teams that I've managed – at East Fife, Inverness Caledonian Thistle and even Hearts – your standards have to be as high as they possibly can be at all times."
With Gilles Rousset firmly established as the Hearts No.1, Hogarth stayed on the fringes of the first team. After loans to Airdrieonians and Hamilton Academical, he signed for Falkirk – where one of his two goalkeeping sons now plays – and made more than 100 appearances for the Bairns.
Hogarth then had spells with Alloa Athletic and Stirling Albion before dropping into the Juniors. He was never given the opportunity for a repeat of that night in Brechin, to test whether or not it was a one-off.
"It didn't become a thing," says Hogarth . On his time in Gorgie, he adds: "I didn't play many times for the Hearts. In fact, I only played once in a competitive game.
"That one pre-season game though. Fifteen minutes and scoring two goals, it's not a bad record."
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